There is no shortage of research available about how the home affects a student’s growth, development, and day-to-day behavior and achievement. All of that research talks about what students bring from the home into the classroom.
With the growth of mobile technology, just about 95% of teens have access to a smartphone according to Pew Research data. Common Sense Media learned through their research that by the age of eleven, 53% of kids now own a smartphone which jumps sharply to 69% at the age of 12. I bet you are so shocked right? Of course not.
The studies that are available show us a lot of data about student usage of their devices as well as how it impacts their education. What I have not been able to find is the research on how messages home can impact a student’s school day.
Over the years I have witnessed students enter my classroom with a smile on their faces but then for no visible reason at all, I have seen their mood shift, sometimes considerably.
As a teacher who truly cares about the emotional state of his students, I will always ask and encourage students to speak with me when they aren’t themselves. I am empathic and do this to help them get back on track with their day. Some students will speak with me privately, some tell me a day or two later, and a few never tell me at all.
In nearly every situation it is usually something social. While I can’t speak statistically because I don’t track data, I can provide a rough estimate and say that 35% of the time it is an issue with a friend or a romantic relationship. 50% of the time, I have observed the messages to be from a parent who is angry with their child for one reason or another. 15% of the time, I would say parents are simply reminding their child to do something after school, or at school.
“Why didn’t you take the garbage out?”
“Why is your room a mess?
“Why does your grade look like that?”
“Why did I get a call from your teacher?”
“DID YOU STEAL MY SWEATSHIRT AGAIN?” Okay, yes I am guilty too!
Now, I agree that our kids should have responsibilities, and they should be held accountable for their grade and their behavior in the classroom. They should also stay OUT OF THEIR PARENT’S CLOSET!!! But ask yourself this question. Is the best time to address it while they are at school? In the middle of classes?
Students, whether emotional or not, will usually react if their parents get on their case. I did it plenty in my youth. But when I was a kid, my parents couldn’t text me and tell me I was grounded. I had the pleasure of waiting until I got home to find out that great news.
Parents, I urge you. You know your children best. Just take advice from an educator and a parent. If it can wait until they get home so you can do it face-to-face, please consider it. Do it for them. Messaging them during school immediately impacts their mood negatively. Do it for us. Teaching content is a lot easier when you aren’t managing 20 students’ emotional states. It is hard to keep students engaged when all they can think about is being in trouble.
Instead, I would encourage you to send them positive affirmations. “I am proud of you” will certainly chart a different course for a long time. Other positive messages include:
Thank you for doing ______________.
Great job on that test/assignment.
Wow, you did a great job catching up in that class.
I Love You! (My personal favorite which my oldest child loves, but my middle gets embarrassed. Can’t wait until she is in high school.)
This is simply advice from the other 1/3 of your child’s life. Accountability is essential to growth, but can also be a detriment to their achievement if it is poorly timed. As a parent, I would never tell anyone else how to be a parent. We know how difficult raising our kids can be.
